Five Ways to Bring Dating Back to Your Marriage

I had been single for most of my twenties, so when I saw a section on dating in our church library my interest was piqued. The first book that caught my eye was the Divine Revelation of Hell. Obviously, the book had been put in the wrong section, but it was slightly humorous.

Fast forward 10 years. I now had an amazing, beautiful wife, but our dating life was just okay. Honestly, I didn’t look forward to date nights as much as I should have. We knew things needed to change. Like most married couples, we could not say our dates were a “Revelation of Hell,” but we couldn’t say they were heavenly, either.

The reality is most people don’t put much effort into their dates. Sometimes, dating in marriage becomes more of a struggle than a blessing. We wait until Friday night to ask our spouse where they would like to go, to which we get the classic response, “I don’t know, where would you like to go?” Many times these conversations become sources of frustration as couples try to figure out what to do with their evening. My wife and I were left feeling as if there must be a better way, and there is.

1. Have a scheduled date night. We don’t want to show up on Friday night and decide whether or not to go on a date. Pick a day and frequency that works for you, and don’t let anything get in the way. It’s that important. My wife and I have date night every other Friday. This is non-negotiable for us. We need this time to connect one-on-one. We have to adjust which days we spend time alone as seasons of life change, but the frequency stays the same.

2. Plan ahead of time. This was probably one of the greatest frustrations of our dates. My wife loves it when we have a plan. There are some questions that have to be asked ahead of time—What are we doing on the date? What time? Who will watch the kids?

3. Ask your spouse on a date. I know you are married, but there is just something about asking your spouse to go on a date. When we get married the passionate pursuit of our spouse should not stop. You can call them, leave a note, send a text, etc.

4. Alternate responsibility. This has been a game changer for us. We alternate the responsibility to plan the night out. To even sweeten the deal, the partner who plans does so for the other’s pleasure. Husbands, when it’s your turn, select activities you know your wife will enjoy.

5. Let this be a no-distraction zone. It’s unfortunate this has to be said, but it’s a sad reality. When you are on the date make sure it’s about the two of you and not about Facebook, the ball game, etc.

If you put these five simple rules into effect, you will revitalize your dating life. I can’t tell you how much more I look forward to our date nights since we implemented them. Instead of being frustrated, I am focusing on one thing- my wife- and we are connecting with each other. For other ways to be a blessing to your spouse, check out this post.

Get together with your spouse this week and go through the list. Schedule a night, time, and planning responsibility and make it happen. Bring dating back to your marriage; you will be glad you did!
When are you going out on your first revitalized date? What else could you add to this list?

Photo Courtesy of Adobe Stock


7 replies
  1. Sam
    Sam says:

    Passion wanes as we allow “life” to get in the way. We lose sight of what is truly important and rarely remember the “thrill of the chase” and learning about each other, frankly, remembering why we chose each other. But this goes even deeper, we fail to communicate openly with each other which makes everything else that much more difficult. Planning time to be with each other should be the simplest task of all yet many would rather have a root canal. Thanks Justin appreciate you and the share!


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